Here's to the songs I have yet to sing... Grace shall be as your day.
(Link below takes you to Mp3.)
Sunday, May 14, 2017
Tuesday, May 2, 2017
Point Break Faith
Not sure how many of you are familiar with that point break (not referring to catching waves and criminals with Keanu). It may just be the point break in family life when one of the parents is away short term, long term, indefinitely. Or that moment you and your four girls say goodbye to their dad as he leaves for his third tour in the Middle East. How about that moment when you have to hold a boundary with one of your teenagers, even though it will continue to devastate them for the entire summer. But it was the promised consequence of their action. Or the point that your infectious disease specialist tells you "we've exhausted all other options," it's time to see a cancer specialist and have your bone marrow biopsied.
I'm imagining that point when you stop and break the wave barreling toward you. After which you realize it's not really so terrible after all, and you've actually created something beautiful to ride everything out while you focus on things that matter most. Sure you may start smelling the dishes rotting in the sink, or ignore the fact that your kids still haven't taken that bath you promised would happen tonight for sure, without fail! And, worst of all, you've been taking issue with the words to "Let it Go" all week because it won't stop running through your head. Still, I prefer facing life with faith, and find it a more rewarding exercise.
It hasn't always been this way. There was a time that I was much better at exercising doubt and fear. Developing those strengths so that I would answer most questions, problems and surprises with more questions, dismay, or avoidance. "How's that supposed to work?" was my passive aggressive response to all the tidal waves coming at me. Putting the responsibility on others whether or not it should be.
Now, on my good days mind you, I try to remember that point break, or even my breaking point is okay. As long as I do it with faith. As long as I face that tidal wave with the attitude and ready question,
"How can I use the power of my faith to help things go right?!"
Lately I've heard the expression that we won't receive or "be given" trials or adversity beyond what "we can bear" taken out of context. Elder Maxwell explains, the Lord won't "press upon us that which we cannot bear," with the scripture D&C 50:40 as a follow up citation. (Or, in other words, within the right context.) Of course we cannot bear all things! And misery loves company. The more I stubbornly suffer, and strive to carry my own burdens, the more beat down I am. I dig in my heals and refuse to see any other way to ride out the storm. Or the wave (so to speak). Life, agency, and circumstances (perhaps of my own making) give me so many opportunities to ask, seek, find, and receive Hope, Healing, and Help in Christ who overcame all things so that he might succor all of us in our infirmities and sorrow. By His stripes, and through my faith, I am healed. Enough to live another day.
Moroni teaches us that faith leads to great things. "Wherefore, there must be faith; and if there must be faith there must also be hope; and if there must be hope there must also be charity." And if we have charity, we know from 1 John, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear." I love this circular relationship of peace that surrounds me with a promise of assurance. The more I act with faith in Jesus Christ, the more I develop charity and shed needless fear and insecurity. Not only do I need my Savior to overcome this world, and the challenges I've yet to face. I need the love of those around me. And I need to serve without insecurity. I always have a need to access the blessings of the Atonement in my life. Faith, Hope, Charity will always be the path to Christ.
When I'm at my breaking point, or staring down that tidal wave of exhaustion, I hope to ride it out. AND sleep a little better after praying for the way to help things go right with the power of my faith.
I'm imagining that point when you stop and break the wave barreling toward you. After which you realize it's not really so terrible after all, and you've actually created something beautiful to ride everything out while you focus on things that matter most. Sure you may start smelling the dishes rotting in the sink, or ignore the fact that your kids still haven't taken that bath you promised would happen tonight for sure, without fail! And, worst of all, you've been taking issue with the words to "Let it Go" all week because it won't stop running through your head. Still, I prefer facing life with faith, and find it a more rewarding exercise.
It hasn't always been this way. There was a time that I was much better at exercising doubt and fear. Developing those strengths so that I would answer most questions, problems and surprises with more questions, dismay, or avoidance. "How's that supposed to work?" was my passive aggressive response to all the tidal waves coming at me. Putting the responsibility on others whether or not it should be.
Now, on my good days mind you, I try to remember that point break, or even my breaking point is okay. As long as I do it with faith. As long as I face that tidal wave with the attitude and ready question,
"How can I use the power of my faith to help things go right?!"
Lately I've heard the expression that we won't receive or "be given" trials or adversity beyond what "we can bear" taken out of context. Elder Maxwell explains, the Lord won't "press upon us that which we cannot bear," with the scripture D&C 50:40 as a follow up citation. (Or, in other words, within the right context.) Of course we cannot bear all things! And misery loves company. The more I stubbornly suffer, and strive to carry my own burdens, the more beat down I am. I dig in my heals and refuse to see any other way to ride out the storm. Or the wave (so to speak). Life, agency, and circumstances (perhaps of my own making) give me so many opportunities to ask, seek, find, and receive Hope, Healing, and Help in Christ who overcame all things so that he might succor all of us in our infirmities and sorrow. By His stripes, and through my faith, I am healed. Enough to live another day.
Moroni teaches us that faith leads to great things. "Wherefore, there must be faith; and if there must be faith there must also be hope; and if there must be hope there must also be charity." And if we have charity, we know from 1 John, "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear." I love this circular relationship of peace that surrounds me with a promise of assurance. The more I act with faith in Jesus Christ, the more I develop charity and shed needless fear and insecurity. Not only do I need my Savior to overcome this world, and the challenges I've yet to face. I need the love of those around me. And I need to serve without insecurity. I always have a need to access the blessings of the Atonement in my life. Faith, Hope, Charity will always be the path to Christ.
When I'm at my breaking point, or staring down that tidal wave of exhaustion, I hope to ride it out. AND sleep a little better after praying for the way to help things go right with the power of my faith.
Friday, April 28, 2017
A Very Merry Un-Ground Hog Day To You!
"What would you do if you were stuck in the same place and everyday was exactly the same...and nothing that you did mattered?"
Oh ya, you better believe I'm quoting Groundhog Day.* If you have not seen it. Repent! Or, at least, watch it. Probably don't actually worry about the repenting part. Because maybe, you'll wake up, and start over tomorrow like today never happened.
I've never served a full-time mission, but I'm guessing that there were days you felt like that? There've been day's like this for all of us. There will be more days like this... (mama said. Mama said, mama said.) You woke up, hit that alarm, and thought everyday was just like the day you left behind. And wonder to yourself whether you will find any way to make a difference. . .
I know that one simple act of kindness, can change the world for one person. I can testify to that. But, the ripples that beat forth from your moment of positive action, and the consequences that follow should not matter. If we pattern our acts of giving, all our gifts and service (chores, tasks, callings, smiles, offerings and love) after the Saviors infinite and eternal sacrifice then there is no limit to the good we can do! Because we won't care who "gets the credit." How can you possibly begin to foresee the impact your sphere of influence will have on future generations, if you don't have the faith, desire, or will to put forth the effort for the one. What if the individual you need to love is yourself?
You may be stuck in the same "routine" of what feels like "ordinariness." Yet, CS Lewis would contend that there are no ordinary people. To which I would agree because we are all children of Heavenly Parents with a spark of divinity burning in our spirits. To those that feel "the seeming ordinariness dampen their spirits. Though actually coping and growing ... [they] experience a lingering sense that there is something more important they should be doing and that their chores are somehow not quite what was expected- as if, for instance, what is quietly achieved in righteous, individual living or in parenthood is not sufficiently spectacular." What leaves us feeling underwhelmed? For some of us, life is just spectacularly miserable and hard when living through trials, carrying burdens, living with health problems, caring for loved ones long term health problems, working, providing for a family, paying off debt, school... etc etc.
Elder Maxwell explains that, "What seems commonplace seldom is, and ordinariness is so often a cover for extra-ordinariness." Therefore, I would encourage you to heed this counsel, "We need not pray for great opportunities, but rather the willingness to do little things in a great way.” For by “small and simple things great things come to pass.” Learning as Paul did, "in whatsoever state I am in therewith to be content." (Phil 4:11)
Leo Tolstoi wrote:
“Jesus Christ teaches men that there is something in them which lifts them above this world with its hurries, its pleasures, and fears. He who understands Christ’s teachings feels like a bird that did not know it had wings and now suddenly realizes that it can fly, can be free, and no longer needs to fear.”
Terry Warner continues:
"When men commit sin, they cause damage in the lives of others. That is one reason why sin is evil. And when men are hurt, they invariably turn and hurt others, and this hurt is passed on to still others. Thus, when a person commits a sin, he initiates a chain of suffering and sorrow in the lives of others that grows like a pedigree chart, in geometric expansion. In a few generations of social interaction, our having hurt another person may have filled the whole community with vengeance and sorrow.
On the other hand, when I face a moral choice for action and do not yield to Satan’s enticements but rather to the Savior’s, I effectively say no to a world in which other people must suffer, even if it causes me inconvenience and self-denial.
Consider why the Savior is able to forgive those who sin. He can forgive me because he has suffered the pain, grief, and remorse that I will suffer in this life and because he suffers all of the pain and grief and sorrow that I inflict upon other people. He empathetically bore their sorrows in the garden, including those sorrows which I cause. He has a right to forgive me on condition of my repentance, for he has been the recipient of what I, in sinning, inflict.
It follows from this that in committing a sin I not only say yes to a future filled with other people’s suffering, I also say yes to the Savior’s suffering. I say, “I care about myself more than you. I esteem your suffering as nothing and hold my gratification to be all that is important to me.”
Now if you are young, uncynical, idealistic, you have yearned for this selfish way of living to come to an end, for the doctrine of “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth” to pass out of fashion, for what is called the “law of retribution” and the “law of the jungle” to cease to govern society.
How can this way of living be brought to an end? In the millennium Satan will be bound, as the scripture states, by “the righteousness of the people.” (1 Ne. 22:26.) When he tries to entice them to hurt one another, they will not yield. When he seeks to use their bodies and their lips as instruments for spreading sorrow among men, they will ignore him. And thus will he be rendered impotent. Oh, he may go off in some corner of the universe and throw a tantrum, but he cannot cause havoc in men’s lives, because his primary instruments for doing so are our physical bodies.
One day I hope to meet the Savior and he may well ask me why I was the agent of sorrow for my brethren and for him. What shall I say? “I was caused to do it. I got off to a bad start. My brothers beat up on my sisters and my sisters beat up on me and we didn’t even have a dog. I had acne when I was a kid and couldn’t get a date. My parents were so poor that they couldn’t send me to college, so I had to work at a menial job. I could never get myself called to a leadership position in the Church. Other people inflicted trouble upon me. I only passed on the sorrows.”
What will the Savior say to me? I think he will say, “Each of us had cause to do harm to others and I more than anyone, for I suffered more than anyone. But I expected more of you, my son. I expected you to return good for evil. I expected you to lay your life upon the altar, not of Satan’s program for the destiny of men, but of mine.”
Listen to the Savior:
“And blessed are all the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.
“And blessed are all they who are persecuted for my name’s sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
“And blessed are ye when men shall revile you and persecute, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake;
“For ye shall have great joy and be exceeding glad, for great shall be your reward in heaven; for so persecuted they the prophets who were before you.
“And behold, it is written, an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth;
“But I say unto you, that ye shall not resist evil, but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also;
“And behold it is written also, that thou shalt love thy neighbor and hate thine enemy;
“But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you;
“That ye may be the children of your Father who is in heaven. …” (3 Ne. 12:9–12, 38, 39, 43–45.)
If you are young, uncynical, idealistic, then the warning that “what the world needs now is love, sweet love” means something to you, because to you the Savior’s teachings truthfully suggest that no force, no vengeance, no psychological or social pressure exerted on other people can result in good. Good can only be wrought in the lives of others by the power inherent in the act of returning love for hate and kindness for hurt.
When we have the power to abuse another, or to retaliate or to take from him, and yet refrain from doing any of these things, we make the greatest impact possible upon his conscience. We stir in him a desire, if one can be stirred, to return kindness for kindness.
The Savior’s gospel is not merely a code of restrictions. If that is all one can see of it, he hasn’t seen it in technicolor. The gospel is a positive enterprise, an active quest of liberating and blessing and healing others and thereby irrevocably altering what would otherwise be a tragic future; for when we engage in this enterprise, we give others courage to be better—a courage that could not be awakened in any other way.
If you want to alter the world’s course for good—for the realization of your dreams—the most powerful force at your disposal is love.
As you act upon them you will find yourself acting not because the rules are dictating what you should or should not do, but because of love for other people. You will be honoring the rules, but not because the rules are being imposed. And when you make this discovery and become motivated by love, you will learn what freedom is, for freedom is not the absence of such external restraints as rules and laws; it is the presence of such internal factors as selfless desires."
Enjoy your new beginnings! Have patience with yourselves. We don't become "saints in one season." Remember the small and simple things, charitable acts and service are what will keep us rooted and grounded in the Gospel, and unified as Saints. Dismissing the simple things, the true things, the primary answers, will lead us away, line upon line, into the captivity of our fallen brother, Satan. Am I right? Or am I right. . . or am I right. right right right.... (yet another Groundhog Day reference lest you think I've fallen away into a mental state of disarray).
Most important to consider in your reflections, you're not alone as you do the heavy lifting. Or the everyday living. One simple act or refusal to act, can break a cycle of violence. One choice to see another persons humanity can brighten the light within another soul. I've been feeling as of late the truth that peace is not always of this world. Peace comes NOT through answers and solutions. Or maybe I'm just too great at finding problems! Peace comes through the light of Christ, the Comforter, and the love of individuals.
Tomorrow can be different. Even when the world around you stays the same. The one thing you have control over is an Offering of infinite worth. "Clean hands and a pure heart." Attitude and effort. Grace shall be, as your day.
*I realize it is not actually Groundhog Day, but I was at book club tonight and this subject came up. It reminded me of something I wrote a while back. So I added some thoughts and there you have it. Ground Hog Day revisited. Isn't that the point? (In reference to the movie that is).
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
The Piece of Resilience and How I Lost My Moxie on Taco Tuesday!
Have you ever lost your moxie? Life hit me hard last week, and I lost a bit of that spring in my step. That fa la la la la, la la la la, deck the halls, and make my neighbors Christmas plates with varied assortments of pinterest worthy cookies and candies just ain't happening. I felt tired, lost, stuck, unsure, burdened, altogether wearied in well-doing.
As the year ends, and the holidays approach, I imagine you may be feeling something similar? OR, you're totally confused inner dialogue is still stuck on the word "moxie."
Have you ever seen "The Sound of Music?" If not, this will make no sense whatsoever. Some days I feel like I'm literally bursting with "I have confidence in sunshine! I have confidence in rain... I have confidence in confidence alone..." (what does that even mean?!) When I loose my moxie, I'm prone to adversarial thoughts and insecurity... I start to imagine everyone (particularly my bishopric wearing nun habits) wandering around singing "How do you solve a problem like an Amy ..."
This weekend I've been pondering the words resilience and resistant. How they apply to plants in nature. I looked up different root systems and weathering. Plants with roots that grow up through rocks, and create living ecosystems full of water and life within the stone.
When our family went out to deliver gifts for the youth in the wilderness with Anasazi Foundation last Christmas, my son Oliver noticed a plant growing out of a rock and we started studying them. Then, I searched for words within the scriptures that I thought would serve interchangeably for both resilience and resistant.
If you've seen the LEGO movie, you are totally AWESOME. If you have not seen the LEGO movie, you should seriously consider putting that on your Christmas list. And also, SPOILER ALERT! The plot centers on the most ordinary lego person Emmet (who thinks he's a "nobody") discovering the "Piece of Resistance." The Piece of Resistance sticks permanently to him (deemed prophetic fulfillment) when, in fact, it's a Krazy Glue cap. It was hidden by Vitruvius in order to stop Lord Business from gluing the world together with the "Kragle" on Taco Tuesday!! I won't really ruin in case you have not seen it. Emmet discovers greatness and power are not determined by tangible items or how others define us. As CS Lewis said, "There are no ordinary people."
I've been contemplating how I lost my own "pieces of resilience" and what those are. Resilience is most simply defined as how a person handles adversity emotionally and physically. I would add to that spiritually. Thus, I figure on having three inner "pieces of resilience." I then started looking at the difference between being resilient and resistant. They both have admirable qualities and I've found that I need both in my life. Thus, the explanation of the stone with life. Resistance and resilience. The word "rooted" in the scriptures compares beautifully with "resilience" for purposes of application in my life. Roots are magnificent sources of nourishment and life. Whether above or below ground, they are an anchor. The tree grows from the ground up, and "learns how to bend and sway" with the wind, but as Tolkien says,
"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
In Pauls letter to the Ephesians Chapter 3 he explains a similar relationship between adversity and inner strength.
13 Wherefore I desire that ye faint not at my tribulations for you, which is your glory.
14 For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
15 Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
16 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;
17 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
18 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
The scriptures teach us to be "steadfast and immovable." The words of Peter are most comforting and fitting counsel with specific warning for our time, "beware lest ye also... fall from your own steadfastness." (2 Pet 2:17) How is it that I can "fall away from [my] OWN steadfastness?” What is it that weakens or hardens (paradoxically) my heart. We all have insecurities, fight adversarial thoughts, voices, weaknesses, or perhaps even strengths, that would cause uprooting and degeneration of spirit. But, Peter specifically refers to our day, warning against “scoffers” that will mock the Saints waiting upon the Lord, and His Second Coming.
Too often I feel (whether real or imagined) the judgments of others holding me back from becoming more. I am not falling from my own steadfastness, but failing to be more steadfast. I want to be resistant, without rigidity. I want to stand strong with firmness and life. Again, people are very much like trees. When I returned from my “Rabbit Stick” (rite of passage for lack of better terms) out “on the trail,” I was changed. No doubt about it. I felt as though some people would actually look at me for a longer period of time scanning for evidence of that change in my demeanor. And there is often some reflection of spiritual, emotional change or development in our daily walking, and outward behaviors.
Thus, it's in our nature to look for visual changes in others when they return from school, a mission, or a place designed to stretch, heal, or improve them. But, speaking from a more distant place of negative insecurity and experience, I know that women (and I'm learning men as well) have a tendency to look for every inner transformation as it's manifest, exposed, processed and compartmentalized on our exteriors. Why is that? Why did I catalogue and chart my growth, as compared to others, based on physical manifestations, mere perceptions and judgements? I have no real answer other than fear. And the anecdote is love.
Paul teaches in the scripture above, that to be strengthened in tribulation, “with might by his Spirit in the inner man” we must be “rooted and grounded in love,” we must “know the love of Christ.” That “Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith.” I know the Lord, who looks on the heart, is the only One who can see the real softening and growth that is happening within me as I seek the blessings of the Atonement. It's very much like the roots of a tree, and the growth that happens beneath the earth unseen when compared to the trunk, branches, and leaves. The roots require tireless effort anchored to the earth, keeping the plant nourished and settled as the branches grow toward sunlight or lay dormant in the winter. I don't have to dig them up to know that they keep the tree alive. All things happen in proper order. The tree grew from the ground up, seed and roots first. All trees grow and thrive in different climates. Sycamores are beautifully barren in the winter, all white and ghostly they shed their leaves but have a majestic and stately appearance. Evergreens are just what their name suggests. Aspens are connected as one large system, by their roots. If the scrub oak is burned by fire, it will appear shrivelled black ash on the surface. But, below the surface natures miraculous adaptations heat the roots shooting pods with multiple seed plants to replace the ones lost in the fire.
We only see what is above the surface. In reverse, if the roots are not thriving, or the soil does not contain the nutrients, water, or have the viability to sustain life (as parables in the scriptures suggest) the tree will not take root or survive.
The love of God, yourself, and one another, is a commitment. A covenant. A continuing conversion. A pilgrimage. In the beginning of Forth Nephi the people “could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God.” And this is because of “the love of God which did dwell in their hearts.” There was “no contention among them,” “they were one,” “every man did deal justly with another,” there were no “rich or poor,” “bond or free,” and there was peace in the land.
I love the hymn “Ring Out Wild Bells,” though I've never heard it in Sacrament Meeting. Tennyson speaks of new beginnings with wild reverence that rings with motion and modern relevance. In it I find my moxie again.
Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light:
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.
Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.
Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.
Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart, the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkness of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be.
Ring in the Christ that is to be.
With all my prattling on, even if I "loose my moxie," I have reason for the hope that is in me. With so many reminders, sharing joy, peace, love, gratitude, adds to all of those feelings and heals my heart - keeping me rooted and grounded. In Forth Nephi the peace and prosperity lasts for a generation. The miracles cease, and the records are hidden. Similarly, Peter writes his epistle to stir up our minds by way of remembrance. And today, Pres Eyring teaches with the help of Moroni, that “Remembrance is the seed of gratitude which is the seed of generosity.Gratitude for the remission of sins is the seed of charity, the pure love of Christ. 'And the remission of sins bringeth meekness, and lowliness of heart; and because of meekness and lowliness of heart cometh the visitation of the Holy Ghost, which Comforter filleth with hope and perfect love, which love endureth by diligence unto prayer, until the end shall come, when all the saints shall dwell with God.' (Moro. 8:26.) ”
By the end of the weekend, I could not stop singing one line from the song "Come Ye Thankful People Come." It's a time to be gathering, and offering thanks. With the weather outside being cold and gray, I sat down Sunday morning, chilled from the walk, somewhat struck by the “cozy” size of my ward. Settled by family in Sacrament meeting I remembered the words, "All is safely gathered in, let the winter storms begin..."
I hope in a common love of good, larger hearts, and kinder hands. I hope in the Christ that is.
As the year ends, and the holidays approach, I imagine you may be feeling something similar? OR, you're totally confused inner dialogue is still stuck on the word "moxie."
Have you ever seen "The Sound of Music?" If not, this will make no sense whatsoever. Some days I feel like I'm literally bursting with "I have confidence in sunshine! I have confidence in rain... I have confidence in confidence alone..." (what does that even mean?!) When I loose my moxie, I'm prone to adversarial thoughts and insecurity... I start to imagine everyone (particularly my bishopric wearing nun habits) wandering around singing "How do you solve a problem like an Amy ..."
This weekend I've been pondering the words resilience and resistant. How they apply to plants in nature. I looked up different root systems and weathering. Plants with roots that grow up through rocks, and create living ecosystems full of water and life within the stone.
If you've seen the LEGO movie, you are totally AWESOME. If you have not seen the LEGO movie, you should seriously consider putting that on your Christmas list. And also, SPOILER ALERT! The plot centers on the most ordinary lego person Emmet (who thinks he's a "nobody") discovering the "Piece of Resistance." The Piece of Resistance sticks permanently to him (deemed prophetic fulfillment) when, in fact, it's a Krazy Glue cap. It was hidden by Vitruvius in order to stop Lord Business from gluing the world together with the "Kragle" on Taco Tuesday!! I won't really ruin in case you have not seen it. Emmet discovers greatness and power are not determined by tangible items or how others define us. As CS Lewis said, "There are no ordinary people."
I've been contemplating how I lost my own "pieces of resilience" and what those are. Resilience is most simply defined as how a person handles adversity emotionally and physically. I would add to that spiritually. Thus, I figure on having three inner "pieces of resilience." I then started looking at the difference between being resilient and resistant. They both have admirable qualities and I've found that I need both in my life. Thus, the explanation of the stone with life. Resistance and resilience. The word "rooted" in the scriptures compares beautifully with "resilience" for purposes of application in my life. Roots are magnificent sources of nourishment and life. Whether above or below ground, they are an anchor. The tree grows from the ground up, and "learns how to bend and sway" with the wind, but as Tolkien says,
"All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
In Pauls letter to the Ephesians Chapter 3 he explains a similar relationship between adversity and inner strength.
13 Wherefore I desire that ye faint not at my tribulations for you, which is your glory.
14 For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
15 Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named,
16 That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man;
17 That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
18 May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
19 And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
The scriptures teach us to be "steadfast and immovable." The words of Peter are most comforting and fitting counsel with specific warning for our time, "beware lest ye also... fall from your own steadfastness." (2 Pet 2:17) How is it that I can "fall away from [my] OWN steadfastness?” What is it that weakens or hardens (paradoxically) my heart. We all have insecurities, fight adversarial thoughts, voices, weaknesses, or perhaps even strengths, that would cause uprooting and degeneration of spirit. But, Peter specifically refers to our day, warning against “scoffers” that will mock the Saints waiting upon the Lord, and His Second Coming.
Too often I feel (whether real or imagined) the judgments of others holding me back from becoming more. I am not falling from my own steadfastness, but failing to be more steadfast. I want to be resistant, without rigidity. I want to stand strong with firmness and life. Again, people are very much like trees. When I returned from my “Rabbit Stick” (rite of passage for lack of better terms) out “on the trail,” I was changed. No doubt about it. I felt as though some people would actually look at me for a longer period of time scanning for evidence of that change in my demeanor. And there is often some reflection of spiritual, emotional change or development in our daily walking, and outward behaviors.
Thus, it's in our nature to look for visual changes in others when they return from school, a mission, or a place designed to stretch, heal, or improve them. But, speaking from a more distant place of negative insecurity and experience, I know that women (and I'm learning men as well) have a tendency to look for every inner transformation as it's manifest, exposed, processed and compartmentalized on our exteriors. Why is that? Why did I catalogue and chart my growth, as compared to others, based on physical manifestations, mere perceptions and judgements? I have no real answer other than fear. And the anecdote is love.
Paul teaches in the scripture above, that to be strengthened in tribulation, “with might by his Spirit in the inner man” we must be “rooted and grounded in love,” we must “know the love of Christ.” That “Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith.” I know the Lord, who looks on the heart, is the only One who can see the real softening and growth that is happening within me as I seek the blessings of the Atonement. It's very much like the roots of a tree, and the growth that happens beneath the earth unseen when compared to the trunk, branches, and leaves. The roots require tireless effort anchored to the earth, keeping the plant nourished and settled as the branches grow toward sunlight or lay dormant in the winter. I don't have to dig them up to know that they keep the tree alive. All things happen in proper order. The tree grew from the ground up, seed and roots first. All trees grow and thrive in different climates. Sycamores are beautifully barren in the winter, all white and ghostly they shed their leaves but have a majestic and stately appearance. Evergreens are just what their name suggests. Aspens are connected as one large system, by their roots. If the scrub oak is burned by fire, it will appear shrivelled black ash on the surface. But, below the surface natures miraculous adaptations heat the roots shooting pods with multiple seed plants to replace the ones lost in the fire.
We only see what is above the surface. In reverse, if the roots are not thriving, or the soil does not contain the nutrients, water, or have the viability to sustain life (as parables in the scriptures suggest) the tree will not take root or survive.
The love of God, yourself, and one another, is a commitment. A covenant. A continuing conversion. A pilgrimage. In the beginning of Forth Nephi the people “could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God.” And this is because of “the love of God which did dwell in their hearts.” There was “no contention among them,” “they were one,” “every man did deal justly with another,” there were no “rich or poor,” “bond or free,” and there was peace in the land.
I love the hymn “Ring Out Wild Bells,” though I've never heard it in Sacrament Meeting. Tennyson speaks of new beginnings with wild reverence that rings with motion and modern relevance. In it I find my moxie again.
Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light:
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.
Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.
Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.
Ring in the valiant man and free,
The larger heart, the kindlier hand;
Ring out the darkness of the land,
Ring in the Christ that is to be.
Ring in the Christ that is to be.
With all my prattling on, even if I "loose my moxie," I have reason for the hope that is in me. With so many reminders, sharing joy, peace, love, gratitude, adds to all of those feelings and heals my heart - keeping me rooted and grounded. In Forth Nephi the peace and prosperity lasts for a generation. The miracles cease, and the records are hidden. Similarly, Peter writes his epistle to stir up our minds by way of remembrance. And today, Pres Eyring teaches with the help of Moroni, that “Remembrance is the seed of gratitude which is the seed of generosity.Gratitude for the remission of sins is the seed of charity, the pure love of Christ. 'And the remission of sins bringeth meekness, and lowliness of heart; and because of meekness and lowliness of heart cometh the visitation of the Holy Ghost, which Comforter filleth with hope and perfect love, which love endureth by diligence unto prayer, until the end shall come, when all the saints shall dwell with God.' (Moro. 8:26.) ”
By the end of the weekend, I could not stop singing one line from the song "Come Ye Thankful People Come." It's a time to be gathering, and offering thanks. With the weather outside being cold and gray, I sat down Sunday morning, chilled from the walk, somewhat struck by the “cozy” size of my ward. Settled by family in Sacrament meeting I remembered the words, "All is safely gathered in, let the winter storms begin..."
I hope in a common love of good, larger hearts, and kinder hands. I hope in the Christ that is.
Monday, October 26, 2015
Back to the Future: Thoughts on Moroni, Son of Mormon
Many times this year my thoughts and
scripture study returns to a central figure and themes surrounding
his ministry. Moroni, Son of Mormon. It started early in the year
after I noticed the date that he visited and tutored Joseph Smith in
a reoccurring pattern that coincides the fall equinox in the weeks
around September 23. This is the same time of year (even the same
day/week) for the celebration of the Feast of Trumpets and the Day of
Atonement in the Jewish Calendar.
After making this connection I re-read
Malachi and realized how tragically the Old Testament ends. In four
short books, Malachi demonstrates the fractured state of Israel as
displayed in their worship and the abandonment of sacred covenants.
God speaks through his prophet, “Even from the days of your
fathers ye are gone away from mine ordinances, and have not kept
them. Return unto me, and I will return unto you, saith the Lord of
hosts.” He warns them, that “my name shall be great among the
Gentiles” because they offer polluted sacrifices, and keep not
their covenants. The Israelites fragmented covenants are reflected
in the calamities that follow. Bondage, captivity, and wars, have
already scattered the Israelites culturally and geographically
through the last books of the Old Testament. How often the Lord uses
what seems to be a punitive consequence, trial, or refiners fire, to
bring about some greater purpose. The Atonement being the most
Perfect example of Agony and Love, working out our Salvation as part
of a great and Eternal Plan. So to was the scattering of Israel and
Abraham's seed to fulfill a greater purpose. It would place Moroni,
just one of many, in the right place, to fulfill a significant work
among the Nephites.
The conquest and deconstruction of
Jerusalem, as the consequence of Israels broken covenants, begins
during the time of the prophet Jeremiah. Simultaneously, Lehi warns
of this before taking his family and fleeing Jerusalem. Such a
beautiful ray of light and hope this turns out to be as it begins the
Book of Mormon story for Nephi and his family in their journey to the
promised land. As we see the complete record come together with the
Bible and the Book of Mormon, God's Mercy shine's upon Lehi
and his family providing the means for them to escape Jerusalem
before its destruction. They prosper in the promised land according
to their faithfulness. Jeremiah in contrast represents the Justice
of God as we read about the fate of Israel, successive captivity,
wars, and imperial rule. But not without the promise of later
gathering. Jeremiah speaks to this in such beautiful language
referencing this in our day prior to the Second Coming, “For there
shall be a day, that the watchmen upon the mount Ephraim shall cry,
Arise ye, and let us go up to Zion unto the Lord our God...And there
is hope in thine end saith the Lord...” (Jeremiah 31).
Malachi also ends with hope:
Malachi 3: 1-3
1 Behold, I will send my
messenger, and he shall prepare the way before me: and the Lord, whom
ye seek, shall suddenly come to his temple, even the messenger of the
covenant, whom ye delight in: behold, he shall come, saith the Lord
of hosts.
2 But who
may abide the day of his coming? and who shall stand when he
appeareth? for he is like a refiner’s fire, and like fullers’
soap:
3 And he
shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify
the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may
offer unto the Lord an offering in righteousness.
D&C 128:24 clarifies as the
Latter-day Saints now fulfill these promises:
24 Behold,
the great day of the Lord is at hand; and who can abide the day of
his coming, and who can stand when he appeareth? For he is like a
refiner’s fire, and like fuller’s soap; and he shall sit as a
refiner and purifier of silver, and he shall purify the sons of Levi,
and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the Lord
an offering in righteousness. Let us, therefore, as a church and a
people, and as Latter-day Saints, offer unto the Lord an offering in
righteousness; and let us present in his holy temple, when it is
finished, a book containing the records of our dead, which shall be
worthy of all acceptation.
It is by the work of more than one
messenger, that all these things come to pass. It's remarkable to
witness prophecy planting seeds of promise and taking root in our in
our time, as hearts turn in families with the Spirit of Elijah at
work. I wonder if Moroni was bursting to enter this earthly plane and
quote from Malachi when he visits Joseph for the first time:
5 ¶Behold, I
will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and
dreadful day of the Lord:
6 And he shall
turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the
children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a
curse.
I imagine Moroni had a deep and
profound understanding of loneliness and a significant appreciation
for connection, kindred, and family. To experience loss and
separation from his father Mormon, or witness the spiritual and
temporal death of the Lamanites and the Nephites, whether it be
through genocide and wickedness, and then fear for his own life
hiding out the rest of his days. To leave the family of God cut off
from each other, from God, unsealed by the power of the Priesthood,
would leave the Earth in its purpose of creation “utterly wasted.”
Moroni explains in the Book of Mormon
that he has seen our day, and knows our doings. And Elijah, his
spirit, is the one who connects all of this, all of the Family of God
and the seed of Abraham, together. Not only by increasing desire and
turning hearts, so that we "come to a knowledge of our fathers,"
but so that Joseph would have the sealing power restored in
preparation of the Second Coming of Jesus Christ." As well as
other priesthood keys necessary for the work of the restoration, such
as the Keys for the Gathering of Israel (held by Moses), and the
Keys of the Stick of Ephraim (held by Moroni). (D&C 27)
Moroni's inclusion of the Sacrament
Prayer at the end of the Book of Mormon has always been curious to
me. Almost an afterthought? Or, rather, an inspired inclusion because
even though he had “supposed not to have written more,” Moroni
finds that he has “not as yet perished” and makes very good use
of this time to write in his wanderings. And thus, his life is
prolonged. As I consider the connection with the Feast of Trumpets,
the Day of Atonement, and the last sacrifice offered in the Old
Testament by the Israelites I'm led to wonder how this relates to me.
What are we to understand from this in our day? It's also included in
the Doctrine in Covenants. Modern revelation could provide the words
for the ordinance of the Sacrament. Why does Moroni speak this to us
from the dust, at the very end? And why specifically mention that it
may be “of worth unto my brethren, the Lamanites, in some future
day, according to the will of the Lord?” Finally, how does it
relate to the rest of Moroni's discourses?
Starting with what we know. We know
that Moroni saw the scattering, destruction or demise of three other
groups of people. In the abridged record he leaves references and
records to all three of these peoples. The Israelites, referenced and
called upon beautifully in Moroni 10:31 to “Awake and arise from
the dust, O Jeruselem...” The Nephites (his own people) as
prophesied, cycled through pride again and again, visited by the
Savior Jesus Christ, and once again plummeted into social decay and
moral degradation. And another group whose record Moroni includes
next to his own at the end of the Book of Mormon. The Jaradites. I
imagine Moroni seeing the parallels, and finding comfort in the brief
words of Ether. The other wandering prophet like himself. A record
keeper, and last of his people, living out his days alone in the same
brutal landscape.
Moroni's special witness, and
devastating insight gives him something no other prophet ever
experienced. A third chance. The prophetic opportunity to prevent our
demise. He not only knows from sad experience what destroyed the
Nephites, over and over again. He witnessed the Lamanites annihilate
them. Two people destroyed through wickedness. He reads the account
of the Jaredites, and understands how the pattern repeats itself. And
so it comes to our day. For as we know, we were shown unto Moroni and
he “knows our doings”
Have you ever stopped to consider how
this could be? Have you ever considered how the Lord tutors his
prophets? Remember how Nephi is taken up into the mountain where the
angel or a personage says “Look!” and he witnesses different
moments in history, time, even the “condescension of the Lord,”
and is caught up again and transported to another. Or Moses sees the
burning bush, after he confronts Satan, and as he hears the voice of
the Lord “still speaking, he cast his eyes and beheld the earth,
yea, even all of it, and there was not a particle of it which he did
not behold, discerning it by the spirit of God.” How is it that
Moroni new our day? And what does he have to say to us? What patterns
did Moroni identify to prevent our own downfall or the “calamity”
of our times? (D&C 1:17)
First, remember that upon Mormon's
death, Moroni begins Mormon 8 a timid record keeper. He is obedient,
to the commandment of his father, but finds himself with “with few
things to write.” “Condemn not my imperfections,” he asks the
reader, explaining later concerns with his “weakness in writing,”
especially when he feels that the Lord has not made him “mighty in
writing like unto the brother of Jared.” The whole first section of
his own record are tender, and tragic. Full of despair, and
conclusion. “I remain alone to write the sad tale of the
destruction of my people....therefore I will write and hide up the
records in the earth and whither I go it mattereth not.” At this
point, Moroni is out of ore, and since he is “alone” without
“friends” and does not know “how long the Lord with suffer
that” he will live, he concludes his writings in Mormon 8:13. He
buries the record. This could very well be the end of the Book of
Mormon?
It is also at this point, that
something happens to Moroni. Reading between the lines of vs 13 and
14 Moroni experiences a character arc of prophetic magnitude. He has
renewed purpose and vision to keep him (and us) from perishing. From
Mormon 8:22-23 we know that Moroni understands the covenants and
promises that God made with Abraham and the fathers, and that the
“eternal purposes”of the Lord shall be fulfilled. In vs 34-35
Moroni speaks directly to us, all of our world today. After he buried
the plates, and left them in the earth, he received a vision. And
something in that vision cast his perspective into an eternal round.
It changed Moroni, and turned his heart toward us in the future, and
his fathers; meaning all those who settled the promised land in the
Americas all the way back to Abraham and beyond. With the expressed
conclusion being a greater desire for us to “come unto Christ, and
be perfected in Him.”
And so, Moroni despairing, without ore,
the last of his people and fearing for his life, came back to
retrieve the plates and write! Knowing how to prevent needless
suffering with faith, hope, charity, and meekness, crying repentance
with a clear and fervent understanding in the Gospel of Jesus Christ,
reminding us today of the importance of renewing our covenants each
week as we partake of the sacrament, and calling to strengthen our
stakes in Zion to withstand the the calamity which we know from
Joseph Smith (D&C 1:17) is to come upon the inhabitants of the
earth. For “Behold, I speak unto you as if ye were present, and yet
ye are not. But behold Jesus Christ has shown you unto me and I know
your doing. And I know that ye do walk in the pride of your hearts.”
By September 1823, Moroni now a
resurrected being, had already or seen our day. Somehow, in whatever
way Jesus Christ, the risen Lord, tutored and prepared him to return
to the plates, and continue writing in his wanderings. Moroni, Son of
Mormon, got to come back to the future (our day) to fulfill many
promises. To live prophecy, with the coming forth or the Book of
Mormon, and the restoration of the priesthood and New and Everlasting
Covenant. It is by and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ,
obedience to His Everlasting Gospel and the covenants and ordinances
therein, that we find good company, safety, and peace in our future
wanderings.
Sunday, October 4, 2015
To Call Myself a Poet
To Call Myself a Poet
To call myself a poet
and live. For Perfect Love
and live. For Perfect Love
commands creation and seeks
correction from the Word
without insecurity.
without insecurity.
(1 John 4: 4-21)
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Is There Darkness in My Soul Today?- Guidance From the Most Wonderful Counselor
Have you ever felt nothing? The clock-ticking, eye-blurring, mind
wasting, soul numbing, eat everything because salt has lost it's
savor kind of nothingness? Have you felt like your spirit was
drowning somewhere between sinking marshes and a mental fog of
inversion?
When I imagine, remember, or live right now as I am, treading steadfastly to keep my motivation above the surface of this oppressive haze; this is no romantic restless wild or a Bronte moor filled with bleakness and storms that call you out into the madness inviting acts of heroism, intrigue, and introspection. I can barely find a semblance of myself, suffocating in solitary monotony.
Still. Still, as I wait for this moment to be a small one, I know it will pass like other days/weeks/months I've spent staring into the darkness. There is life, light, hope, laughter, bright beams of goodness, that continue on around me in the periphery, almost like a dance.
At times it's overwhelming. And even when I shut the world out, to conserve all the energy I have for those that need me the most, I never close off my heart. I'm always listening, because I draw strength from the love of the those around me.
Somewhere beneath it all, there is a reason for the hope that is in me. My Foundation is sure, and strong. While I wait for the winds to change, and breath new life into the atmosphere of apathy that hangs heavy like damp despair, I may even consider a song, for someone listening will hear the songs I cannot sing.
I start to remember how this is where my weakness becomes my strength. How I've broken the cycle in the past, and how I need to write my story and remember the moments that gave me fresh air to breath. Even for a moment. Because if I can pause to help and lift another, I lose myself, I am one step closer to learning the Healer's Art.
Ultimately, I accept the invitation to work at becoming and overcoming as the Savior did. I choose Christ's manner of LIVING, rather than his manner of SUFFERING. Elder Maxwell so beautifully pointed out that with Christ it is, “suffer even as I,” or overcome even as He overcame the world.
You make me Feel Like a Natural Woman...
Let go of the Darkness
I've experienced quite a few cycles of depression and gone the rounds where obsessive thoughts and behaviors overtake my life to the point that outside intervention was required.
People that love me stepped in to kindly take my hand to help me appreciate what would be best for me and my family. It's amazing how in these moments the “natural woman” and adversarial thought patterns fight desperately to define who I am. There is no doubt in my mind and heart that these mental illnesses have refined me. They are weaknesses of my body that have become part of my spirit in an integral way, giving me greater empathy and strength. For me, anxiety inspires creativity, and ingenuity along with the ability to anticipate the needs of others.
But, there were times when I've felt an unwillingness to let go of the darkness, fears and obsessions. A selfish desire to hold on to what I believed to be a “part of who I am.” My heart remained “sick” as I continued to defer hope. (See Provers 13:12.) There is great danger when we are caught up in our “bitterness of soul” and “refuse to be comforted.” (Moses 7:44.)
Jeanie McAllister explains my transformation in thinking perfectly, “Whenever I have replaced the question, 'what does the situation require of me?' I have discovered specific actions, the doing of which has prevented my derailment and kept me pushing along the path, even in the darkness. Unmet expectations may be bitter, but I want to be better for my experiences; and the difference between bitter and better is I. I can choose not to be immersed in bitterness. Asking 'What does the situation require of me?' helps me see that I can make choices. I can control my life, even if that control extends only as far as my perceptions and attitudes." I would add that our Savior "drank from the bitter cup" so that we could "choose the better part." I'm learning that it is a spiritual gift to "drink of the bitter cup without becoming bitter."
Practicing Our Sour Faces
There came a point that I realized my anxiety, insecurities, and prolonged disappointments were setting up those I loved for failure. It became hard for my husband and children to do things in the right way, at the right time. I'm pretty sure I had a “sour face.” And I'd been practicing it. They couldn't even get a hint of bad news, or anything contradictory out before I would start to make my “sour face.” I'm sure they were afraid of it. Or at least my tell tale “sigh...”
There is/was reasonable expectation that my life will “give me lemons” (I really dislike that expression). Sometimes it's even essential for me to anticipate and prepare for that inevitability. You know your mouth is going to water, and make that face when you stick a lemon in it. But, I'm working really hard, to stop practicing my sour face. And anticipate the moments of joy. I work really hard to assume that everyone is trying their best at making something sweet out of life's lemons.
I Would Learn the Healer's Art
I've been contemplating Christ's admonition in 3 Nephi 18: 24 to "hold up your light that it may shine unto the world." Specifically, the difference between holding up my light and letting my light shine ("let your light so shine before men..."). The active participation required in "hold" verses "let."
I was also reading in John 16: 20-22 as Christ teaches with a short proverb about sorrow and joy while living in this world. He acknowledges the inevitability of adversity and empowers with promise, "And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice,and your joy no man taketh from you."
Ever since President Monson encouraged us to follow the wisdom from Proverbs 4:26 “Ponder the path of thy feet,” and walk as the Savior walked, I've contemplated how I might learn the "Healer's art." As President Monson instructed us to walk the path of Jesus Christ by following his example, doing, and becoming, like the Savior, I realized that in all of the instances where he healed through miracles I always put myself in the place of the sick or afflicted. The blind, the lame, the deaf. Like in the song Amazing Grace, "was blind but now I see."
After the prophet spoke, I started thinking about the Work of Salvation, Family History and Temple work, the Healers Art, and how I need to also think about how I can put myself in the place of the Savior in those instances of healing! A role reversal. How can I help those around me to SEE, HEAR, and to WALK the path that He has shown? Pause to help and lift another, finding strength beyond my own. How can I hold up my light, just as he explains in 3 Nephi, "that which ye have seen me [Christ] do?" Always remembering with reverence that ultimately, I am NOT the Healer. Or the Comforter.
In that same chapter of 3 Nephi where Christ says to "hold up your light," he continues, "And ye see that I have commanded that none of you should go away, but rather have commanded that ye should come unto me, that ye might feel and see; even so shall ye do unto the world...for ye know that not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them, and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them."
I am trying to find a way "hold up my light" and turn my weakness into a strength. Keep my light burning, at all times, even when I feel like I am staring into darkness. I would love to help others find comfort and healing, greater light, peace and joy.
Honestly, I have so much joy, and I know that the world cannot take that from me, because the Source of that joy is my faith and my family.
I've found a beautiful active peace in my life. I'm learning that I can "seek peace, and pursue it." (Ps 34:14). Pursuing peace seems such a contradictory phrase when all other uses of the word "pursue" in the scriptures are used in reference to warfare. But, for me, the pursuit of peace describes my journey, and my vision of peace.
I'm Sunshine Huckleberry, and I have spoken. (It's an Anasazi thing...).
When I imagine, remember, or live right now as I am, treading steadfastly to keep my motivation above the surface of this oppressive haze; this is no romantic restless wild or a Bronte moor filled with bleakness and storms that call you out into the madness inviting acts of heroism, intrigue, and introspection. I can barely find a semblance of myself, suffocating in solitary monotony.
Still. Still, as I wait for this moment to be a small one, I know it will pass like other days/weeks/months I've spent staring into the darkness. There is life, light, hope, laughter, bright beams of goodness, that continue on around me in the periphery, almost like a dance.
At times it's overwhelming. And even when I shut the world out, to conserve all the energy I have for those that need me the most, I never close off my heart. I'm always listening, because I draw strength from the love of the those around me.
Somewhere beneath it all, there is a reason for the hope that is in me. My Foundation is sure, and strong. While I wait for the winds to change, and breath new life into the atmosphere of apathy that hangs heavy like damp despair, I may even consider a song, for someone listening will hear the songs I cannot sing.
I start to remember how this is where my weakness becomes my strength. How I've broken the cycle in the past, and how I need to write my story and remember the moments that gave me fresh air to breath. Even for a moment. Because if I can pause to help and lift another, I lose myself, I am one step closer to learning the Healer's Art.
Ultimately, I accept the invitation to work at becoming and overcoming as the Savior did. I choose Christ's manner of LIVING, rather than his manner of SUFFERING. Elder Maxwell so beautifully pointed out that with Christ it is, “suffer even as I,” or overcome even as He overcame the world.
You make me Feel Like a Natural Woman...
Let go of the Darkness
I've experienced quite a few cycles of depression and gone the rounds where obsessive thoughts and behaviors overtake my life to the point that outside intervention was required.
People that love me stepped in to kindly take my hand to help me appreciate what would be best for me and my family. It's amazing how in these moments the “natural woman” and adversarial thought patterns fight desperately to define who I am. There is no doubt in my mind and heart that these mental illnesses have refined me. They are weaknesses of my body that have become part of my spirit in an integral way, giving me greater empathy and strength. For me, anxiety inspires creativity, and ingenuity along with the ability to anticipate the needs of others.
But, there were times when I've felt an unwillingness to let go of the darkness, fears and obsessions. A selfish desire to hold on to what I believed to be a “part of who I am.” My heart remained “sick” as I continued to defer hope. (See Provers 13:12.) There is great danger when we are caught up in our “bitterness of soul” and “refuse to be comforted.” (Moses 7:44.)
Jeanie McAllister explains my transformation in thinking perfectly, “Whenever I have replaced the question, 'what does the situation require of me?' I have discovered specific actions, the doing of which has prevented my derailment and kept me pushing along the path, even in the darkness. Unmet expectations may be bitter, but I want to be better for my experiences; and the difference between bitter and better is I. I can choose not to be immersed in bitterness. Asking 'What does the situation require of me?' helps me see that I can make choices. I can control my life, even if that control extends only as far as my perceptions and attitudes." I would add that our Savior "drank from the bitter cup" so that we could "choose the better part." I'm learning that it is a spiritual gift to "drink of the bitter cup without becoming bitter."
Practicing Our Sour Faces
There came a point that I realized my anxiety, insecurities, and prolonged disappointments were setting up those I loved for failure. It became hard for my husband and children to do things in the right way, at the right time. I'm pretty sure I had a “sour face.” And I'd been practicing it. They couldn't even get a hint of bad news, or anything contradictory out before I would start to make my “sour face.” I'm sure they were afraid of it. Or at least my tell tale “sigh...”
There is/was reasonable expectation that my life will “give me lemons” (I really dislike that expression). Sometimes it's even essential for me to anticipate and prepare for that inevitability. You know your mouth is going to water, and make that face when you stick a lemon in it. But, I'm working really hard, to stop practicing my sour face. And anticipate the moments of joy. I work really hard to assume that everyone is trying their best at making something sweet out of life's lemons.
I Would Learn the Healer's Art
I've been contemplating Christ's admonition in 3 Nephi 18: 24 to "hold up your light that it may shine unto the world." Specifically, the difference between holding up my light and letting my light shine ("let your light so shine before men..."). The active participation required in "hold" verses "let."
I was also reading in John 16: 20-22 as Christ teaches with a short proverb about sorrow and joy while living in this world. He acknowledges the inevitability of adversity and empowers with promise, "And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice,and your joy no man taketh from you."
Ever since President Monson encouraged us to follow the wisdom from Proverbs 4:26 “Ponder the path of thy feet,” and walk as the Savior walked, I've contemplated how I might learn the "Healer's art." As President Monson instructed us to walk the path of Jesus Christ by following his example, doing, and becoming, like the Savior, I realized that in all of the instances where he healed through miracles I always put myself in the place of the sick or afflicted. The blind, the lame, the deaf. Like in the song Amazing Grace, "was blind but now I see."
After the prophet spoke, I started thinking about the Work of Salvation, Family History and Temple work, the Healers Art, and how I need to also think about how I can put myself in the place of the Savior in those instances of healing! A role reversal. How can I help those around me to SEE, HEAR, and to WALK the path that He has shown? Pause to help and lift another, finding strength beyond my own. How can I hold up my light, just as he explains in 3 Nephi, "that which ye have seen me [Christ] do?" Always remembering with reverence that ultimately, I am NOT the Healer. Or the Comforter.
In that same chapter of 3 Nephi where Christ says to "hold up your light," he continues, "And ye see that I have commanded that none of you should go away, but rather have commanded that ye should come unto me, that ye might feel and see; even so shall ye do unto the world...for ye know that not but what they will return and repent, and come unto me with full purpose of heart, and I shall heal them, and ye shall be the means of bringing salvation unto them."
I am trying to find a way "hold up my light" and turn my weakness into a strength. Keep my light burning, at all times, even when I feel like I am staring into darkness. I would love to help others find comfort and healing, greater light, peace and joy.
Honestly, I have so much joy, and I know that the world cannot take that from me, because the Source of that joy is my faith and my family.
I've found a beautiful active peace in my life. I'm learning that I can "seek peace, and pursue it." (Ps 34:14). Pursuing peace seems such a contradictory phrase when all other uses of the word "pursue" in the scriptures are used in reference to warfare. But, for me, the pursuit of peace describes my journey, and my vision of peace.
I'm Sunshine Huckleberry, and I have spoken. (It's an Anasazi thing...).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)